Vendor Feature: Humanist Officiant, Sassan Sanei
As a wedding photographer, I have the opportunity to work alongside some truly talented people in this growing industry. Whether it is providing the venue, decorating the venue, creating floral arrangements, playing music, officiating the ceremony, documenting the day through photos and video, making everyone look their best, or planning and organizing the day, we all apply our skills and knowledge to help our couples and families celebrate one of the most important events in their lives. Considering the current situation and period of social distancing, I thought it would be a perfect time to interview a few of my colleagues about their roles in the wedding industry.
Without doubt, the highlight and foundation of any wedding is the ceremony; and therefore fitting, that my first vendor interview is with Humanist Officiant, Sassan Sanei from Grand River Wedding Ceremonies. I met Sassan a few years ago while photographing a wedding at THEMUSEUM in downtown Kitchener. I was so impressed with Sassan’s ability to take command of the ceremony with such a calming and personable approach that I recommended Sassan to officiate my son’s wedding a year later. Both my son and my son-in-law said it was one of the best decisions they made for their big day. It is with pleasure that I present my interview with Sassan, in his own words. [Photographs by Lori-Anne Crewe of Cast & Crewe Photography]
The Interview
1. What compelled you to become an officiant?
I'm a big romantic at heart! I love the idea of two people making a lifelong commitment to be with someone who truly understands them, and it means a lot to me to celebrate with them.
My previous career as an engineer at BlackBerry involved a lot of traveling, writing, and presentations at tech conferences all over the world. I got to enjoy that aspect of it very much and wanted to continue it. Of course a wedding is a different style of public speaking, but standing in front of an audience feels natural to me, and I hope that my calming presence helps the couple settle into the moment as well.
I also wanted to promote inclusivity because so many officiants in Ontario still refuse to perform same-sex marriages (or pretend that they somehow aren't allowed to). It's a legal form of discrimination that happens in every community in Ontario, and very few people realize how widespread this problem is. I think that even if they aren't affected by it, most couples would be quite upset to find out that their officiant denies service to others, but it doesn't occur to them to ask. I realized that by becoming an officiant myself, I could shift the balance in favour of love and inclusivity, so that was a motivating factor for me as well.
2. What does it mean to be a Secular Humanist?
Secular humanists are guided by science, logic, and compassion. We believe that morality is an intrinsic part of human nature, not something based on divine revelations or ancient books. Equality and freedom are at the heart of secular humanism: every person has the right and responsibility to shape their own destiny, we do not seek to control others through unjust laws or religious influence, and we reject discrimination in all its forms.
3. Is there anything that you experienced in your youth that helped shape your beliefs and how you officiate a wedding?
I sat through long religious weddings that seemed more like sermons than celebrations, as if the couple was marrying God instead of each other. Sometimes the ceremonies were filled with cautionary tales and judgemental wording and outdated gender norms. As a wedding guest, I felt like I was there to be preached to, and this did not make me feel very welcome. Even the couples themselves would comment afterward that it wasn't really the ceremony they wanted but that they felt obligated to go along with the religious traditions suggested to them by their officiant, as if they didn't have a choice.
So the way that I officiate a wedding is completely contrary to that. Short and sweet, no religious wording, and centred on the couple's story: what brings them together, what marriage means to them, what are their hopes and dreams of a shared life together. Some couples write their own vows to each other and others ask me to read a poem or passage that is meaningful to them. If they have children or pets, I'm happy to include a role in the ceremony as well.
4. What credentials do you require to be a Humanist Officiant?
Being a Humanist Officiant is about more than celebrating weddings. It is about being an "ambassador for Humanism" guided by rational thought and scientific inquiry. Humanist Officiants make a personal commitment to honour the public trust, to follow the ethical and moral standards set out in the Humanist Canada Code of Ethics, and to treat each other with care and respect.
A selection committee within Humanist Canada looks for candidates with highly developed interpersonal, interviewing, writing, organization, and presentation skills. I myself am bilingual and have performed weddings in several languages, but this isn't a requirement. Before being accepted into the training program, candidates undergo a rigorous screening process that establishes education and life experiences. This includes several character references, interviews with the organization's leadership, and a criminal background check. The selection committee also looks for active involvement in community organizations that promote secular laws, marriage equality, and universal human rights.
Completing the training program is just the first step. We continue to develop our skills through ongoing professional development, participation in a one-on-one mentorship program, and attendance at the annual Humanist Canada Officiant Conference. The friendships we form along the way are a wonderful way to bring our community closer together.
5. Have weddings changed since you first began as an officiant? Please explain.
Couples are much better informed about their options and are being more direct in asking for personalized ceremony ideas. I really appreciate this because my role as an officiant is to guide them, not to tell them what to do. They know each other better than anybody. Some couples come up with a new and unusual tradition such as a "ceremonial beer blending" or "celebrating the sweetness of married life with a taste of maple syrup" which can be memorable and a lot of fun! More and more couples are choosing to write their own vows to each other as well. I love that.
6. What are the top 3 questions couples ask you?
Could we write our own vows, could you please say a few words in memory of family members who have passed away, and is it okay if we bring our dog to the ceremony? (Yes, yes, and definitely yes!)
7. How do you prepare for the ceremony?
My service includes unlimited consultation with each couple so that we can get to know each other, answer any questions they might have, and write a personalized ceremony that reflects the two of them and their values. As a Humanist Officiant, I can offer much greater freedom of wording than a religious or civil ceremony, so I really try to go with the couple's own wishes and preferences. Leading up to the wedding day I'm always available to them if they want to call or text with any questions.
Some of the questions I ask are: Are you looking for a traditional style of ceremony, or something more contemporary and lighthearted? Is there a special theme that you would like me to incorporate into your ceremony? Will there be a role in the ceremony for friends, family members, children, or pets? Would you like me to lead a unity ceremony such as hand fasting or sand blending? Is there a reading that I can include, like a poem or a quote from a favourite author or TV show? And will you be writing your own vows to each other or choosing one of my examples?
I write a unique ceremony for every couple and I make sure they have a chance to review and edit the wording in advance, so there are no surprises on the wedding day, only what they want said (and nothing they don't want said). Sometimes we'll do a rehearsal the day before the wedding, just so everybody in the wedding party is comfortable knowing when to walk down the aisle and where to stand during the ceremony. On the wedding day, I arrive early to set up, introduce myself to the venue coordinator, prepare the marriage register, run a sound check with the DJ, ask the photographer if they have any special requests of me, and make sure I have my tie on straight!
8. Is there a special moment that touched your heart at one of your weddings?
Just yesterday I officiated a socially distanced wedding for a lovely couple in the field outside their home in Erin, Ontario. We called it "Love in the Time of Corona." Two witnesses, guests joining over Zoom video conference, and a reception to follow at the end of the year. The vows they wrote were so sincere and meaningful. Their wedding was different from how they originally planned, but you couldn't ask for a more beautiful day. Love brings us together even when we stand 2 metres apart.
9. Is there any advice you can give to wedding photographers when documenting the ceremony?
Feel free to move around as much as you need to. It doesn't distract me and I know how important it is to capture those moments from different angles. It sounds obvious but make sure to know your equipment very well, a wedding is not the time or place to be experimenting with a new lens for the first time. Remember to focus on the couple's expressions during the ceremony as well as their guests' reactions, this tells a story. If you would like me to stand to one side or another during the vows, ring exchange, and first kiss, or if you notice something out of place, just let me know. After the ceremony is a great opportunity to take a group photograph while everybody is still gathered in one place and looking fresh, and I'm happy to make an announcement to help facilitate that.
10. Is there any advice you can give to wedding venues when preparing for the ceremony?
If you are providing the sound system, please make sure the wireless microphone is fully charged and in range of the receiver! I'm surprised how often this important detail is overlooked. If the ceremony is outdoors, avoid open areas in hot direct sunlight which is uncomfortable for guests, have a backup plan in case of rain, and make sure there is electricity available for the DJ or musicians. Another detail that is sometimes overlooked, especially at larger venues, is greeting guests on arrival and having signage directing them where to park and where to go for the ceremony, so that they aren't wandering around looking lost. Lastly, please help ensure that everybody keeps to the schedule and is ready to begin on time, so the guests aren't kept waiting.
11. What are your thoughts on guests taking their own photos during the ceremony?
I leave this decision up to the couple. Most couples request that I make an announcement before the ceremony about photography. I usually invite guests to put away their cell phones and cameras, let the photographer do their job, and be truly present in the moment. It doesn't look very good when guests are walking around, crouching in the aisle, or holding a phone in the air. It's also unfair to the couple when guests post pictures of their ceremony on social media before the photographer has a chance to deliver their photos.
12. How far in advance should a couple book your services for their wedding?
I usually ask couples to reserve a date and time as soon as they have set a wedding date. Saturday afternoons in the summer and early fall are often booked more than a year in advance. Saturday mornings, evenings, Fridays, and Sundays are becoming increasingly popular choices as well. Once the date is set, it helps to be flexible about the ceremony timeline, for example I might not be available at exactly 4:00 PM but I might be available at 3:00 or 5:00 PM. This is especially true for 2021 when many couples are rescheduling their original wedding from 2020 because of social distancing and vying for the same dates.
13. Can you share a funny moment that took place at one of the weddings you officiated?
A few years ago I officiated a wedding ceremony on a baseball diamond in Tillsonburg for a really sweet couple named Ashley and Jesse. Everyone in the wedding party wore matching baseball uniforms, the ceremony included quotes from Tommy Lasorda and Babe Ruth, and we came up with a unity ceremony with their kids by having the entire family sign a commemorative softball. So after pronouncing them married, instead of saying, "And now you may kiss," in keeping with the baseball theme I said, "And now you may get to first base!" It was my son's idea, he was 12 years old at the time and I'm not sure where he heard about first base, but it was an epic moment and you could hear all the guests cheering from their seats in the bleachers!
14. If you could give one piece of advice to a couple getting married, what would you tell them?
Before the ceremony begins, take a few seconds to look into each other’s eyes and really think about the happiness that you are feeling. The rest of the day will be a blur, and memory fades over the years, but you will always remember that special moment you shared together.
15. Is there any other advice or information that you would like to mention about your role as an officiant or just weddings in general?
Every couple is unique, so every wedding is unique. As officiants, photographers, musicians, caterers, stylists, and everyone else who is with you, we want your wedding to reflect the two of you and the love that brings you together. So if you have any special requests, please feel free to ask! We want you and your guests to always remember this special day for every detail that is meaningful to you.
Thank you so much, Sassan, for your thoughtful and informative answers. - Lori-Anne Crewe
Sassan Sanei
Humanist Officiant
Grand River Wedding Ceremonies
143 Coopershawk Street
Kitchener, Ontario N2K 4J3
Call or text: 519-501-4523
Email: grandriverweddings@gmail.com
Website: www.grandriverweddings.ca